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Dr. Richard Jordan
San Diego County Psychologist
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New Year’s Resolutions Failed?
by Dr. Richard Jordan
Ah, the New Year’s Resolution, evidence of the resilience of the human
spirit...or at least our persistence. Every year most of us manage to
burden ourselves with commitments to ourselves to improve something.
Lose weight, get physical fit, stop smoking, fix a relationship, and
make more money are common themes, targets of our fresh resolve.
Although study findings vary, it is safe to say that our New Year’s
Resolutions fail more often than they succeed. And lots of people have
spent lots of time trying to figure out why that is. That question
will not be answered here, except to point out one thing. A New Year’s
Resolution is usually in the form of a commitment to start or stop
something, or to reach a specific goal or outcome. The problem is that
any time one strays from the path or target, the resolution is deemed
to have failed. Most New Year’s Resolutions set us up for failure.
So instead, I suggest a not-so-radical shift in your approach to
self-improvement. Make a Springtime Resolution to give up New Year’s
Resolutions! Set yourself up for success this year and beyond by
committing to Guiding Principles versus resolutions. For example, I
have two New Year’s Guiding Principles this year:
To live my life moment by moment with grace and ease.
To choose uplifting people and experiences.
I like these because they focus on the positive, on the things I want
to have. Also, if I find myself angry with someone on the phone, or
attempting to relate to a “wet blanket” in my life, I have not failed
in my resolutions. Rather, I become aware that I am astray from my
Guiding Principle, and I look for the opportunity to guide myself
back. It’s kind of like the autopilot on an airplane. So, I am
successful to the extent that I learn and grow from the moments in
which I notice I am “off the beam.”
A Guiding Principle is focused upon the process, in my case the
process of upliftment, grace, and ease in my life and others’. This is
different from the usual nature of a New Year’s Resolution, in which
the focus if on an outcome.
So, take a failed New Year’s Resolution, if you have one, and try it
out. Re-design it into a Guiding Principle, so that any time you
stray, you look for opportunity.
Contact Dr. Jordan at
drjordan@cox.net for marriage
counseling, relationship advice, psychotherapy, and relationship
healing. Offices in San Diego County, California. (619) 303-5062
Speaking engagements and workshops nationwide.
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